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Guilt and emotional manipulation

Have you ever wondered why in certain relationships you always feel like you’re doing the wrong thing? It could be a friend, family member, or partner, but you realise that you’re often feeling guilty or ashamed, even if you know you didn’t intentionally do anything wrong. Emotional manipulation is a form of control, sometimes out of fear (e.g. of losing you), or even out of love (e.g. because they want to help you but don’t know how). One of the key signs of emotional manipulation that I learnt in my previous relationship is that we should never be made to […]

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Why people fear your success and secretly love to see you fail

Years ago I completed a pharmacy degree in Adelaide and started my career as a pharmacist in retail pharmacy. Whilst this was a completely respectable job, I realised quite early on that it wasn’t suited to me as someone who thrived on career progression, dynamic environments and working within flexible conditions. Not to say that this isn’t possible as a pharmacist, but I found the conditions restrictive for me compared to other vocations, with wages not growing, daily tasks often becoming monotonous over time, and with limited growth opportunities, particularly within the retail environment. So I embarked early on with […]

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Defining success

What does success look like and how do we know when we’ve made it? So often we keep chasing goals yet once we reach them, we realise that we’re not any more fulfilled than we were before. So how do we define success? When we think about the word success, the first themes that come to mind are often relating to money, work, power, fame, beauty and material achievements. But what is the foundation for these commonly presented views of success? As often stated by the Dalai Lama, the true goal that each of us seeks is to find happiness. […]

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How people flaunt their relationships to feel better about themselves.

We are in a society where romantic love is predominantly valued over all other achievements. But whether single or in a relationship, it’s human nature to try and take actions to make ourselves feel better or superior to others. I’ve been single for the past three years since letting go of a toxic relationship. When I reflect on how I feel about this, it’s probably a mixture of anxiety, hope, acceptance and relief – levelling out as a neutral energy, neither positive nor negative. However I’ve observed that depending on the environment that I’m in and who is around me, […]

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The importance of boundaries

Often we find ourselves in situations or amongst people that leave us feeling drained, frustrated or doubting ourselves. Yet we continue to allow these people and situations to be part of our lives – maybe we feel obliged because we’ve known them a long term, or we just feel bad saying no and making someone else unhappy. Maybe we feel perversely better about ourselves by being agreeable and making someone else temporarily happier, to the detriment of our own emotional and mental wellbeing. If we continue these patterns however, we start to realise that we’re not truly making choices for […]

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Dealing with judgement

No matter what we do in life, we will always encounter positive and negative feedback. Sometimes this feedback comes from a place of love and in knowing this, we can accept and even embrace it to help improve ourselves. But often, this feedback comes not because someone cares about us – but in the form of judgement. Why does this happen and what can we do about it? The act of judgement is about questioning the moral intentions of another person – showing (or convincing oneself) that one’s views and intrinsic value are greater than another’s. We should note that […]

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Acceptance of our human experience – embracing difficult emotions

The pursuit of happiness is every individual’s ultimate goal, and every day we are reminded that this is within our control. Whether this is through work, relationships, self-development activities, material possessions or simply changing our mindset, we are taught various ways to increase our happiness levels. Yet despite all this effort, we still feel moments of grief, fear, anger, loneliness, jealousy and lack of fulfilment. What can we do about these negative feelings? Because we’re self-sufficient and successful in our working lives, we are frustrated with ourselves for having emotional responses to situations that shouldn’t affect us. Why aren’t we […]

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